What is a doula series: the basics.

So, you’re looking for a doula? Or perhaps you’ve just recently heard this odd term and want to learn more. 

You’re in luck, because this is the start of my “What is a doula” series where I will shed some light on what a doula is, does, how they benefit you, as well as other fun tips and tricks. 

Founded in tradition of women coming together to support the birthing person through a powerful rite of passage.

First off, “doula” was coined in the 1960s derived from the Greek word meaning “women who serve.” However, women have been serving each other in birth long before the 1960s, this was simply when women began pushing for more birth support. Particularly in areas where western medicine was prevalent, such as the United States. 

Women wanted birth to be less frightening, isolating, and overwhelming. Considering as a species, women typically were supported by a local midwife and women of their community usually a mix of family and friends. For countries driven by western medicine, this community based support was pushed further and further away. 

Connection & Community is a Cornerstone

From the 60s to today, we are generally pretty isolated from community and even family. It is common for a couple to marry and move across the state, country, or even overseas from their parents and grandparents. This distance plus needing to make new friends in your new home often leaves couples that are expecting their first or even fifth baby feeling alone and unsupported. 

When family and friends are too far away or too swamped with their own obligations (whether jobs or families of their own), a doula is available to fill in this gap. 

Living closely with multigenerational families is not always feasible, so that essential aspect of community support needs to come from somewhere to ease the transition of pregnancy to birth to parenthood. 

A doula provides that stability of availability, as well as education in the birthing process, newborn care, and breastfeeding. Often sharing local resources or information so the parents, who may have never been around newborns before, have a chance to become educated on the basics so they feel more confident in becoming parents. 

As well as providing education on your choices for your birth and in parenting so you can make your own informed decisions. Much like how I felt in regards to hormonal birth control by not being educated in the potential for health risks or prolonged infertility later in life, a similar tendency for not providing necessary information and education occurs in our maternal health care system. 

“Wait, I have options?!”

You don’t know what you don’t know, so how can you be expected to make informed choices on your health care? As consumers of our health care, which is how our medical system is set up, you have the right to know your options, to get second or fifth opinions on the right course of action. Just because one doctor or hospital says you cannot try for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) does not mean it isn’t a safe and feasible option for you. It may mean you need to look into another care provider before accepting a scheduled cesarean. 

It is important for me to emphasize that as a doula, I do not have an agenda for what your birth should or should not look like beyond being your choice.

Whether you want a drug-free home birth to a planned cesarean, I am simply here to provide you with options, resources, and support so you feel confident in your informed decisions. 

Whatever your ideal birth looks like, I want to be there with you to help make that a reality. 

Sometimes twists and turns and unexpected hiccups happen. Part of my job is to help prepare you for those potential variations from your ideal vision of birth. Even if you fully intended and desired to have a drug-free birth, you may find yourself thirty hours in and exhausted. You may change your mind and decide medication to allow you to rest before it is time to push is the best option for you now that you have been laboring. 

And that is okay. 

I will help you try everything we can prior to that point, and support you if you change your mind. You know what is best for you and your baby and what your limits are. I can also reassure you that you can absolutely change your mind, but let’s have the nurse or midwife check you first. 

Sometimes all you need in that moment when you feel like you cannot do this anymore, is to be told that it’s almost time to push. Because many times when a mamma reaches that wall where they just cannot go on, it’s because their baby is about to be born. 

And other times, it is simply a long labor and you could absolutely use a rest for a couple of hours. Then when it is time to try getting up and encouraging that baby to move down and out you feel more capable and ready.

Every birth is different for every mamma, and I want to hold space for that uniqueness. 

Your birth matters, and so does your memory of it. I would like to honor that core aspect of birth with you. No matter what twists or turns may happen, I want you to feel at the end of the day and twenty years from now satisfaction with yourself and your birth experience. To leave you with a feeling of empowerment and pride that you did this awesome thing and feel like you are capable of anything. 

That’s what I want for you.

Next time, I will go more in depth into exactly what a doula does to help you have that feeling of “I am capable of anything.” 

Until then, I wish you all the best and happy birthing! 

JB

You have just gone through an amazingly chaotic journey full of ups and downs. Your precious newborn is finally in your arms looking up at you with eyes full of serenity and wonder. You have given birth and are bursting at the seams to talk about your experience to anyone who will listen. You might have already told your story, sometimes multiple times, to the same people. 

Repetition and reliving moments in our lives is how we process monumental moments such as birth. It’s all a part of the process of uniting your past self, the experience, and your current self into one cohesive identity. This takes time. 

This sometimes takes a lot of time and countless retellings of your story. You may be worried that you’re annoying the people you love with how much you talk about it. You may think you shouldn’t feel this burning need to talk about your birth so much. 

I’m here to tell you that you absolutely should talk about it.

Your story does matter. 

I am here with a solution to any concerns you may have about how frequently you find yourself wanting to talk about it. 

When you find yourself talked out or that the post birth fog is finally starting to lift from your brain; it’s time to write your story. 

Now, I’m not saying it needs to be an epic novel of substantial length and magnitude! 

No, this can be as short or as long as you want (or are able to write with a newborn wiggling for attention).

If you’re thinking, “How on EARTH am I supposed to write something while round the clock feeding!?” In this case, the obstacle ends up being the solution.

In the previous blog post, “5 Must Haves When Creating Your Baby Feeding Nest,” I showed you what to have on hand during the multiple feedings of your newborn baby in these early weeks. I mentioned having a notepad and pen or your laptop in easy reach.

Here’s why.

With how often you are nestled into your feeding nest, you can very easily have a lot of time on your free hand. Once you get into your feeding groove that is. As you and baby get to know each other and learn how to feed together (this goes for breast or bottle feeding), this time can become very peaceful where you might begin to feel idle, restless or lonely. 

You now have the opportunity to record your story and flesh out all the details. This is especially helpful if you’re home alone with baby and really want to talk about the experience, but no one is available.

Here’s how you put your story to paper (or phone or laptop).

First, Jot down a list of as many details as you can remember.

This is a quick and simple breakdown of what happened from when and where you were as you felt the first contractions all the way through memorable moments in labor like how your partner kissed your forehead after a contraction. 

This will be the backbone of your story that you can fill in as you remember. Memory can still be pretty fuzzy in your postpartum period with a newborn. You may find yourself recalling something as detailed as what a nurse said and how it made you feel weeks or months after the birth and then for years to come. 

Second, Get that same list from your partner, care provider, and doula. 

You were doing really important work birthing your baby, and as a result you may find that chunks of your labor blurred together. You may not realize it until you compare notes with someone else who was there. 

Your birth team serves as crucial pieces of the puzzle to getting a clear picture of your birth story. Your partner has also gone through an immense life change and having their thoughts and feelings added to the story can make it feel like a birth of a family story you can share. 

Your care provider, whether that is a nurse at a hospital or a midwife at your home birth. They have a record of the exact time something happened such as your water breaking, cervical exam, or if any interventions were done. If you have the opportunity, ask your provider in advance to make a copy of these notes to share with you. 

Your birth doula. The doula has a particular advantage here. They have the benefit of being familiar enough with you to provide hands-on, ‘round-the-clock attentive support while also being an unbiased third party who can record the play by plays of your birth journey. 

Your own personalized birth story

I would begin recording details from the minute I get the call that you think you are in labor. I include the time, what is going on, how you’re feeling or something you said, what coping strategies you are trying, how many times you got up to pee (seems odd, but that counts as movement that shows you were working towards bringing your baby into this world!), as well as any interventions that were used and how you and your partner felt about them. 

More personalized and detailed than a nurse report, with the added benefit that I would sit down with you in person post birth to talk about the moments leading up to, during, and after the birth. You would get a printed or digital copy of these notes that you can then use as a reference for writing your full birth story. 

I will gladly listen to your story as many times as you need to tell it and help you fill in any gaps you encounter along the way. 

Third, Get creative

Get into as much or as little detail as you want. This is your story, write what matters to you. You can plan it to be a scrapbook story that includes photos from the birth and have baby’s footprints besides their birth date. 

Maybe you want to write the story for your baby, and you simplify it down like a children’s book you can read to your baby or to save in a special baby keepsake chest. 

Feel free to make it your memoir! If you find yourself writing like you climbed Mount Everest, lean into it! Your birth absolutely counts as monumental as scaling a mountain. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise are naysayers and you don’t need that negativity as you embrace parenthood. And that includes every kind of birth: Hospital, Home, Birth Center, medicated, unmedicated, in the woods, cesarean, water, and everything in between. Every birth matters. 

Perhaps you have a flair for fantasy, and want to add some magic like JRR Tolkein or JK Rowling. Go for it! Whatever way resonates with you is the way to do it.

If you still find yourself not feeling up to the task of writing you can always do an audio or visual recording of yourself talking about this experience while feeding your baby (if you have a laptop or a phone stand this just became hands free!).

Fourth, Set it aside if you need to

Parenthood is intense work! If you feel like you’ve got as many details down as you can remember and feel content, feel free to set it aside for now. You can polish it to a beautiful shine later after you’ve finally gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. With those extensive notes, you will absolutely be able to come back to it weeks, months, or even years down the road to finish. 

Your story will be there whenever you are ready

Even if you weren’t able to get everything down, you will still remember your birth 20 years from now. The process of writing it relatively soon after birth is to help you record details you may be worried about forgetting. Or so you have something to go back to and read to say, “Wow, I really did that. That’s amazing.” Whatever your reason is, if it causes you more stress to try and do it now, it will be there whenever you’re ready. 

Fifth, Reach Out

There is a lot to process with a birth. Reliving and retelling might be triggering a lot of overwhelming feelings for you. These can be feelings of joy or trauma. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and swept up by recalling your birth, please do not hesitate to reach out. This could be to a close friend, doula, therapist, or doctor. These feelings are very real and can be a lot to process on your own.

You are not alone

You don’t have to struggle through this alone.

If you find you are in need of professional help or an impartial person to talk to there are resources on my references page to connect you to hotlines. If you’re already a member/client* you have access to the full list of local therapists and outreach should you need them. This list is frequently updated with new relevant resources or local services. 

I am also available to talk with or to connect you to the appropriate resources.

Six, Recruit an Assistant

By hiring me as your postpartum doula I am able to be your personal secretary and record your story as you tell it to me.

Just like your birth, you do not have to do this alone. If you want help processing and recording your birth journey into a story format I am more than happy to help.