In life and parenthood, finding what works best for you is an ongoing process of trial and error. No matter how many books we read, advice we hear, or videos we watch; eventually it comes down to trying something and seeing what works. 

This holds true for feeding a newborn baby. Your feeding groove is simply whatever way of feeding your baby works best for both of you (you’re a team). This also is an ongoing process as you two learn together and as baby grows. What worked last week might not fly today. Triplely so if you’re tandem feeding, whether multiple newborns or your toddler and newborn. 

Here are 10 tips to help you and baby find your feeding groove

1.Redirect an On-the-Go Mindset

Slowing down, allowing yourself to rest, relax, and enjoy stillness while feeding your baby. Like any mindfulness practice; it takes time. 

2. Let it Go

That means dirty dishes, laundry, and other distractions. If you’re able, let that stuff go. If not; request or hire help to minimize the to-do list. 

3. Set Boundaries

Frequent visitors (the ones that overstay their welcome without offering to do a load of laundry). Anything or anyone else that adds more stress to your day. You and baby are working hard and you both don’t need that kind of negativity right now.

4. Be Patient With Yourself

You are doing an amazing job. Your baby loves you and is so lucky to have you. 

5. Phone a Friend

 Hearing from a good friend alleviates loneliness and bolsters confidence. Vent, brainstorm, or catch up.

6. Call in Back-Up

Still having difficulties achieving a comfortable latch or other feeding struggles? Call your local La Leche League International Leader for suggestions. Talk with an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) for more problem solving. 

7. Find Your Village

Meeting up with other breastfeeding moms at a La Leche League International meetup. Parenting groups online or in person. Parents from a childbirth class. Finding your people that are familiar with the journey you are on are priceless.

8. Hire a Doula

Perfect for the times when friends and family might be at work or live far away. Your doula is there for you and can help connect you with the resources you may need. 

9. When in Doubt, Try Again

That football hold your baby didn’t like 3 weeks ago? Try it now, they might find it more comfortable now. Cycle through tips and tricks to see if something works better now. 

10. Trust Your Gut

The more you learn about your baby, the easier it will be to find what works or identify if something might be wrong. Trust yourself and your instincts. You know your baby. 

What are some ways you’ve found your feeding groove? Share in the comments below!

Whether you are planning to breast or bottle feed your soon-to-be-newborn; the time spent feeding your little one is a prime opportunity for bonding. All too often, we expect to instantly know everything about our babies as soon as they are born, and drop seamlessly into parenthood. Only to have our expectations swept up from under us; leaving us scrambling to find our footing as we juggle the needs of this proverbial stranger in our homes. 

Even for the experienced parent, there are hiccups and surprises along the way when meeting our newborns. These frequent feeding needs of our babies, which can be overwhelming, turn out to be the key to finding our groove. 

Let’s gently redirect our on-the-go mindsets (that may be frustrated with the seemingly nonstop need to sit and feed our babies) to embrace this time to be still and learn about our little humans.

Whether breast or bottle, close contact (preferably skin to skin!) is crucial for bonding with your baby and helping them feel secure enough to thrive. To do this you’re going to need to have a space (or several) that you will go to with your baby while feeding. This spot is going to need to be comfortable! You will spend much of the first few weeks here.

Here are 5 must haves when setting up your feeding nest

1. Mamma Fuel!

That means bottles of water and durable snacks like granola bars. If you (or someone else) can prepare easy finger foods as well such as apples with nut butters or hummus and carrots; this will go a long way to keeping you fed so you can focus on feeding your baby. 

*Calories are more important than strict nutritional foods. Recovering from birth and lack of sleep are huge energy drains and you will need all the help you can get during these early weeks. So don’t sweat the pre-made foods or things pre-pregnancy you wouldn’t usually eat. Try to get plenty of protein, fiber, and water. 

2. Change of Clothes: For you and your baby

Accidents happen. You will become very acquainted with you and your baby’s various bodily fluids over the years, as well as the lesson of always having spare clothes/diapers/rags on hand. No one wants to sit in soggy, stinky clothes. Spare diapers for a quick change post feeding (or to help wake them up for a feeding) and a spare shirt for you can make the drowsy feeding turned nap time much more comfortable. 

3. Pillows!

Time to get comfy. Wherever your go-to feeding nest is, make it comfy.

 “Sleep while the baby sleeps,” is easier said than done for most parents, but rest while baby naps is much more manageable.

So kick your feet up, get those pillows where you need them so you can lean back and relax into the special feeding time. This could be beneath your arms and behind your back for lumbar support, the goal is to be as loose as possible. Release the tension.

As you and baby become better at feeding, you may find you need less pillows as time goes on. You may find out you can get comfortable almost anywhere! 

4.  A Sleep Belt

Or other soft baby wearing carriers loosened enough for baby to move their arms and head, but still secure enough not to slip down your tummy. 

These inventions have been life savers for many families. While the carriers are designed for hands free movement while up and about, the sleep belt is designed for upright, reclined naps without worrying about dropping your baby. 

Feeling drowsy during or after a feeding is common not just for babies, but for the parents holding them. So unless your feeding nest is in a Safe Sleep Seven bed, you absolutely want to take precautions to be able to rest your eyes without worrying about baby slipping in between cushions on the couch or armchair, or sliding out of your arms to the floor. 

A sleep belt (or loosened wrap carrier) lets baby be in the most comfortable and easy to breathe position on your chest post feeding. Rest their head in the middle of your chest in kissing distance with their bottom down towards your legs. Let them tuck up against you for a sleepy snuggle while you lean back and let gravity (and the sleep belt) keep them secure.

5. Personal Enjoyment

Some days we will spend the entire session marveling at our precious little ones while they snooze or look up with bright inquisitive eyes. Other times we may be restless and bored desperately seeking some diversion. 

In a basket, side pouch or drawer near your snacks and water: stash the TV remote, your phone & charger, a book, or anything else you can enjoy while resting with your baby. It’s okay to be bored sitting still for what seems like the hundredth time in one day. You can still make this time special and relaxing for you both by keeping things you enjoy nearby. 

If you’re looking for a little something extra, try adding a notepad & paper or your laptop. This is great for jotting down all those things that you think of, but end up forgetting once feeding is done. I’ll also go more into depth of what else this notepad can be used for in a future post titled, “How to Write Your Own Birth Story.”

BONUS!

A Special Basket for Siblings

Stillness while raising a toddler or other young children with a newborn can be laughable (or cryable depending on the day). With young children it can be really easy for them to feel left out, lonely, and downright offended that you aren’t paying as much undivided attention with them as you did before your newborn arrived. 

To help temper the tantrums and let your other children know you still love and care for them; have a special basket or box set aside with your feeding nest. They can choose something whenever you’re settling in for another feeding and they need some attention too.

You can have inexpensive or special toys (wrapped or not) to play with only when you’re feeding so they retain the novelty and help make the time special for them too. 

Another fun favorite are age appropriate movies for them to choose from to watch with you while you feed baby. You can have popcorn and tasty snacks ready as well. This can really help young children feel like they still have a place in your heart when they can snuggle up with you.  Along those lines, having a special blanket they can tuck themselves (or you!) with and maybe nap alongside of you can be really reassuring. 

It’s important to remember that even if your other children are acting out, this stems from a desire and need to be close with you. When a partner, friend, or grandparent isn’t available to give them one-on-one time; this basket can become a lifeline for you and your little ones. 

These were the 5 (and bonus!) things that can turn an overwhelming amount of feeding into a sweet sanctuary where you are comfortable and able to settle in with your newborn. In an upcoming post I will cover what the La Leche League International’s Safe Sleep Seven is and how you can implement more sleep into your life with a newborn. 

I hope that these suggestions bring a bit more ease into your postpartum period, and leave you with many tender moments with your newborn. 

Happy Bonding!

Happy New Years Eve!

Caution: No matter how pretty and sparkly, don’t drink glitter lol

Can you believe it’s almost 2020? That feels like something from a sci-fi movie and I half expect cars to fly or my dog to speak with a dapper accent. 

While I doubt that is going to happen (yet…) there has been more research coming out on drinking habits and their effects on pregnancy, fetal development, and breastfeeding. 

To take it back to the early 2000’s: I can recall from my high school health class being told explicitly that women who are pregnant or breastfeeding should never, and I mean NEVER, drink alcohol. That even one drink could endanger your growing baby to suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Also, when you’re breastfeeding and you drink, it was akin to pouring that glass of wine directly into your newborn’s mouth. 

That’s scary stuff.

 I remember feeling really anxious even as a teenager about alcohol. Then as I started college and entering drinking culture, I became more aware of the timeline of conception and when someone might realize that they are pregnant. 

Often women who are not trying to get pregnant may not even be aware that they are until they miss their next period. This could be two weeks or even months if they typically don’t have regular cycles. 

Now introduce the fact that many women in their early twenties enjoy hanging out with friends and going to parties. Many of them enjoy drinking, whether it be one or two or binge drinking. 

Enter my fear of becoming pregnant unknowingly and then partaking in an enjoyable event and having a few drinks. I have had this fear response conditioned into me due to the research of the time from ten years ago. Anxious about accidentally harming my unborn baby when I’m not even trying to get pregnant. To be honest, it was an unnecessary amount of anxiety to have. 

Bringing it back to this upcoming new year of 2020, my fears around unplanned pregnancy and drinking have been assuaged. 

For one, I chart my cycles now so I’m much more aware of the time frame in which I can become pregnant. Partner that with consistent condom usage and I am confident in my ability to avoid an unplanned pregnancy. In a later post I will discuss more on the topic of fertility awareness and how it applies to anyone whether they are trying to get pregnant, trying to avoid it, or simply want to better understand their bodies. 

For two, whether you are eating or feeding for two, there has been more research that compares the effects of limited and heavy drinking during pregnancy. Before it was an all or nothing approach, which quite frankly is probably as effective as abstinence education in our youths. Again, a topic for another time. 

The research has begun to indicate little risk with an occasional drink. The high risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome have been most closely linked with alcoholics that are heavy drinkers most days while pregnant. 

“There is no evidence that an occasional drink is harmful. Women who drink heavily throughout pregnancy may have smaller babies with physical and mental handicaps. However, women who drink moderately may have babies with no more problems than those women who drink rarely or not at all.”

— The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

As for our breastfeeding families there is similar evidence that shows the lack of harm when consuming alcohol in mindfully moderate amounts.

“Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all. As is the case with most drugs, very little alcohol comes out in the milk. The mother can take some alcohol and continue breastfeeding as she normally does. Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers.”

— Dr. Jack Newman

Some Peace of Mind in 2020

I for one, am always looking for ways to make life easier for parents with newborns. From the point of conception until after your child is fully grown, there is so much on a parent’s plate in caring and making decisions for their family. To then add layer upon layer of prohibitions, and if you break a single one you are automatically a terrible parent, that is unfair and makes like unnecessarily difficult. 

So I am happy to say that here is one less thing to agonize over. 

For those who only drink occasionally and avoid binge drinking, you may toast with a glass in the spirit of the holidays with some peace of mind.

The general advice is to avoid alcohol. More specifically; avoid breastfeeding until 2-3 hours after drinking. 

The level of alcohol in your milk metabolizes at the same rate as your blood. So if you had one drink to toast at midnight on New Years Eve; then try to wait until at least 2 am for your baby’s next feeding. You can also avoid timing concerns by having pre pumped milk already thawed and ready if you plan on drinking tonight.  

Fed is Best

A common myth is that you can reduce the alcohol content in your milk faster by “pumping and dumping.” 

This is simply not true.

Just like drinking more water, coffee, or resting won’t sober you up any faster. 

Much of this will come down to how your body processes alcohol, if you ate, what your weight it, and how old your baby is in their ability to metabolize your milk right after having alcohol. 

When in doubt: if you’re sober enough to drive, you’re sober enough to breastfeed. 

Disclaimers

Alcoholism & Binge Drinking

Some Disclaimers for alcoholism and binge drinking:

This does not include binge drinking, drinking to the point of vomiting, or being intoxicated. Your milk’s alcohol content will be as high as your bloods: aka Too High! 

You will also be too impaired to safely feed or care for you baby, and it is recommended to have a sober adult attend to your child’s needs while you get sober. 

Never co-sleep after drinking: you will not be as responsive to sharing space with your baby. 

Alcohol can also reduce milk production, so if you’re already having trouble with maintaining your supply consider avoiding alcohol. 

As with all things regarding your body, your pregnancy, and your baby: use your best judgement for what works for you. 

If you ever feel overwhelmed by conflicting information and are having trouble with the anxiety that can come with expecting a baby; you can always abstain from participating. There are plenty of mocktail or sparkling cider options that feel festive without alcohol. 

Parenthood will consist of a lot of these decision making moments and sometimes you won’t have the time or the energy to drudge through Google to find out the answers to all of your burning questions. 

In these times I find it helpful to follow my gut. You can always change your mind later if more helpful information comes to light. Nothing is set in stone, and being a parent is already stressful enough as it is. So why make it harder by agonizing over a sea of “what if’s?” 

For me, if I’m still anxious and unsure which direction to go; it helps me to be on the safer side until I’ve had a chance to do my own research or consult with trusted individuals. This is how I approach difficult choices, but I also have struggled with anxiety for years. So these are the tools that work well for me. 

Through trial and error and often a good talk with your therapist; you too can find what tools work best for you in navigating the uncertainties of parenthood.

There will be links down below to helpful articles from sources such as the CDC, La Leche League, and Kelly Mom 

Contact me if you have any questions or are interested in being connected with resources in your area such as your local La Leche League or therapist. 

If you or someone you know struggles with alcoholism or substance abuse: See my resources page for more information. You can also contact me for a direct referral.

JB Doula Services wishes you and your loved ones a very happy New Year!

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https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html

https://www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/alcohol/

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1970/0557/files/0405-more-bf-myths.pdf?13823050296189251268%20--

https://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/

https://www.alcoholproblemsandsolutions.org/fetal-alcohol-syndrome-fas/