Last time we touched on the importance of knowledge and a doula’s role in providing the information you need to make informed decisions. Decisions made by you, for you, that are best for your family.

This time, I’m uncovering an often overlooked superpower of a doula.

Imagine breathing with each surge, riding the waves of intensity and relaxing into the ebb and flow. Your partner beside you, rubbing you back as your doula breathes with you while she massages your hands, arms, and legs. You have been working hard, and have finally found a sense of rhythm.

Now enter your provider. You’re feeling a little disrupted, but your partner and doula are beside you to help maintain a semblance of the rhythm and ritual you had moments ago. Your doula knows laying on your back for a cervical exam can be uncomfortable and painful so she pays close attention to your changing needs. Providing continuous contact and massage to help relax you as much as possible between surges.

You feel confident that surely you have progressed this time, it’s been a long labor so far, but you found your rhythm! This confidence shakes with the shake of your provider’s head. You’re “still” x- centimeters. They think you should be put on Pitocin (artificial Oxytocin used to increase the intensity of contractions). Suddenly you feel tight, discouraged and maybe even scared or frustrated. You thought you have been doing so well! (P.s. You definitely are! Don’t doubt that!)

For those who have birthed before or have already started having prenatals with your care providers, you have probably encountered this feeling.

Often birthing parents and partners can feel swept up by “White Coat Syndrome” that goes beyond an increase in blood pressure brought on by anxiety. Many people, when told by a doctor or nurse that something needs to happen or that they are going to do something (to your body), feel pressured to go along with anything they say. Even if what they are suggesting does not need to happen as urgently as it may seem.

For our example above, the provider thinks you are taking too long to dilate and progress. Many providers are taught that birth should follow a strict timeline, but that is only an average of how a birth can go. There are plenty of safe variations on either side of that average or what they deem “normal.”

With any unexpected and often sudden suggestions of interventions is when a doula’s superpower shines.

Rather than immediately prep you for Pitocin or an Epidural or a Cesarean, your doula can calmly (and respectfully) suggest giving the birthing parent (you) a few minutes to think it over. For any intervention that is suggested, you are allowed to have time to think about it and have the right to say no. The only time that time is not allowed is when it is a true life or death emergency and you’re unable to respond to give consent (this is implied consent). Which is rarely the case. More often than not, you have time to think and decide.

If you decide you would like to hold off on the Pitocin, your doula can suggest requesting a time limit with your provider. 30 minutes here or 60 minutes there to get up and walk around or try something new to move labor along.

Time is your greatest resource during a birth.

The more time and space you can have, the easier and less pressured your birth experience will tend to be.

Here, your doula does not speak for you in that they are not making decisions for you. They are there to act as a gentle buffer between you and feeling rushed or pressured. If it seems like your medical birth team is ignoring or acting against the choices you made for your Birth Vision, your doula can be more firm in protecting this space with you.

Your Body Your Choice | Informed Consent & The Time To Make Decisions

You have the right to birth the way you want within the limits of safety to yourself and your baby. In the event of something like increasing blood pressure, fever, or other indicators something may be wrong, an intervention is likely necessary.

However, pending a truly urgent matter, you have the right to know what is going on, to ask questions, to have a few minutes on your own (or with just your partner or doula) to process these changes, and to give your consent (or not).

Just because something unexpected is happening, does not mean you lose autonomy.

A doula is here to help mediate when communication is difficult between the birthing parent and her partner or her birth team. A doula is there to suggest privacy for you to think and decide. To provide you the option of time to try something different. To ask questions to clarify what the provider would like to do. To encourage communication between you and the provider, such as asking them to explain your options or why something is necessary.

I care deeply for you, your choices, and your rights to a positive birth experience.

As a doula, I have the benefit of being a third party outside of the scope of the care provider and outside of the intimacy of your relationship or family. I care deeply for you, your choices, and your rights to a positive birth experience. However, I am not as emotionally embedded in this birth as you and your partner are. I can step back and see what is happening, reassure you things are progressing normally, and act as a calm third party mediator.

This is a key strength to the doula. They care deeply while being able to remain calm and grounded during highly emotional moments.

This is also why partners and doulas make a perfect team. Your partner has that deep emotional intimacy with you and your baby. They provide the love and familiarity you need. While a doula provides a touch stone when you need reassurance this is normal or to suggest a different coping technique. Having someone there as a constant source of support and information can allow partners the space to be a part of the birth as much as they are comfortable.

Partners are a crucial part of your birth team!

Next time I’ll dive deeper into how partners and doulas make a perfect team. As well as how a doula can help the partner during birth more than you might have thought. Partners need doulas too. I want both you and your partner to “feel capable of anything!”

Until then, I wish you all the best and happy birthing!

JB